Collapse….

When will a narcissist go into a narcissistic collapse?

There are two primary reasons that a narcissist goes into a collapse, there could be more, but in my experience (what I have witnessed) are the following:

• A narcissistic wound was inflicted

• They show their emotions / vulnerabilities for longer than intended

In both circumstances, the narcissist is left in what feels to them like a very unsafe position where they feel exposed, vulnerable and weak. They have shown or revealed something that they would not normally show. The narcissistic wound is tricky because you would never know that you have inflicted it on the narcissist until it is far too late. This wound is something that touches their trauma or incredible sensitivity in a way that is shameful to them. In my experience it isn’t the wound that sends them into collapse as much as it is the fact that you saw them wounded. They cannot have this. In their perceived world, they are strong, independent, courageous, powerful and in control. If you see them wounded, you are no longer in alignment with how they want to be perceived. You see too much.

The collapse can also come when the ‘true self’, which is the vulnerable / emotional narcissist, is exposed. This persona is closest to who they really are. I am not sure if it comes out intentionally or accidentally, but it can come out. When it comes out for a significant amount of time AND the narcissist realizes that they have shown it, the collapse is near. While they will show who they really are and it is real, it will never last. It is too painful for them. They are too vulnerable, too caring, too loving, and too at risk. They will plummet into hell if they show that.

Remember that the collapse is not a bad day or week. This is as close to a psychosis as you will see. It takes the form of anything from outright savagery to simply ghosting you and growing cold so you no longer see the weakness they never really wanted you to see. It’s all about them and their perception of how people see them, nothing more.

You likely did nothing more than listened when they needed to speak, but you heard them and that makes them vulnerable to criticism (the type they store up for later and use in their private arsenal of assaults on your character). In other words, they’ll claim you snooped around to find out information about them, when in truth they told you about it themselves, or a trusted friend/family member told you. A narcissist needs you to be painted in the worst light possible so they can maintain their victim status with peers while simultaneously somehow appearing strong and overcoming all odds.

It’s a slippery slope.

Thanks to Phil for the insight into this complex personality disorder.