Lessons

So here’s the thing, some of us go through life with virtually the same mindset. It comes from early childhood conditioning, where we except only what is within the parameters of our teaching and understanding. Some of us cannot imagine that we were taught “wrong”. Some of us simply will not.

Obviously there are the spankers and non-spankers in the world. They will never agree on anything except that child abuse is wrong. Everybody agrees on that point, but what spankers will not concede is that spanking causes childhood trauma that lasts into adulthood. Here's the thing, you might be doing it wrong.

The Wall Street Journal published “The Right Way to Spank a Child” in February 2019

Stop it now. Don't go calling child protective services yet, because I have no spankable children left. However, two of the three of them did get their butts busted. Now, it's not the butt busting that solidified my position as an authority figure. Just so we're clear, the butt busting was the exclamation point at the end of my sentence. Y'all have to make sure and get your bluff in early. They have to think that the consequence outweighs the endorphin rush of whatever it was they were doing wrong. They have to believe, absolutely, that you will cause them so much discomfort that they will not ever want to do that thing again and forever associate whatever punishment you give them with that thing.

That does not mean beating them.

That means explaining to them, sometimes more than once, that the thing they're doing is not acceptable and you will not tolerate it. That means fussing at them in a stern voice and giving them "the look". That means, fussing, stern voice, look, and taking the thing away from them in an assertive manner. That means, fussing, stern voice, look, taking thing away and smacking the fire out of their hand. Yes, when they're toddlers. No, I'm not kidding. When they start crying, because they will, then you tell them very sternly that they are not allowed to do that and it's not acceptable. DO NOT PICK THEM UP AND CONSOLE THEM. DO NOT. DO NOT LEAVE THEM SITTING THERE CRYING. TALK TO THEM ABOUT THE ISSUE UNTIL THEY STOP THE BAWLING AND HEAR YOU. Toddlers don't understand a lot of it but they do understand your tone. They understand that you are not disrespecting them, but you are teaching them boundaries and they do not hate you for punishing them. They act like that because they're testing boundaries. If they have none, they'll have none and nobody wants that.

This does not mean beating them.

I never resorted to beating my children (even though on more than one occasion I thought they richly deserved it) but I have to say I have extremely well behaved and disciplined adult male children who I raised from birth. They are neither traumatized from the amount or consistency of the punishments they received as children, or the kind of discipline I chose because they had love to go along with it. They had my attention and my consideration. We held conversations about what was important to them as they were growing up and they felt comfortable telling me things they wouldn't tell anyone else because they trusted that I loved them.

What you're doing by hitting your kids is just teaching them that hitting is okay.

You can't just hit them and walk off and leave them sitting there bawling, dummy. That doesn't work. They then go to school and hit someone and walk off because they can. You have to speak to them like they're coherent. You have to speak to them like they understand you. You have to give them the respect of telling them why they're receiving this punishment and that it will happen every single time they break this particular rule.

Understand, what I've said I believe 100%. I'm not going to ice it down because y'all are a bunch of limp wristed sissies who read too much Dr. Spock. No boundaries is the reason we have MORE violence. No limitations is the reason why kids think it's okay to carry guns to school and shoot each other. No self-discipline, which comes from consequences of your actions and having parents who live the life they expect you to live in front of you, is why we have generational curses that never seem to end and worthless, mooching kids who think it's okay to live off someone else's good graces and never feel an ounce of pride in any real accomplishment. I digress. That's another topic.

Coming up next? Narcissism