Narcissism and Unhappiness

Believe it or not, science has studied the complexities of the human mind for far longer than today's human even considers. Recently, an abalone shell was overturned in South Africa and what was inside shocked the scientific community. As it was only a few years ago when a 40,000 year old cave drawing was found (according to biblical scholars humans have only been here a little over 5,000 years) and that was befuddling for some scientists, this abalone shell, full of a red "paint" made from charcoal, crushed animal bones, iron-rich rock and an unknown liquid. The abalone shell was a storage container—a prehistoric paint can. What's more interesting, is that it carbon dated back 100,000 years!

Art is one of the hallmarks of intelligent design, and yes I know, even animals show some instinctual proclivity toward art and I do find that amusing when I see human beings (the "evolved" lifeform) mimicking habits of "lesser" animals. Life imitates art; or is it that art imitates life? I'm just not so certain anymore.

The psychotic human mind interwoven with art has littered history with some of the most visually appealing creations yet known to mankind. Some of our greatest renowned artists also suffered from a plague of either genius or insanity (or both), yet, their penchant for eccentricities is worshipped and lauded. On December 23, 1888, Vincent Van Gogh, suffering from severe depression, cut off the lower part of his left ear with a razor while staying in Arles, France. He later documented the event in a painting titled Self-Portrait with Bandaged Ear. Today, Van Gogh is regarded as an artistic genius and his masterpieces sell for record-breaking prices; however, during his lifetime, he was a poster boy for tortured starving artists and sold only one painting. That's beside the point. The point is, he was nuttier than a shithouse rat.

100,000 years ago, someone created a red paint which they then used on cave walls or on clothing or possibly to decorate their home or their horse. Red paint is pretty easy to come by because nature does provide many obvious sources, but why did this painter mix their paint and then leave it? Did they die? Were they killed? Also, were they crazy?

Psychology cannot explain why one type of person will cut off their ear or slice geometric shapes in their skin with a razor because of depression, but, I know an artistic type who made cuts all over her body as an expression of her inner demons and the turmoil between her childhood and adulthood. How do you tell someone something that is going to change your entire life when you lack both insight, appropriate communication skills, and logic to determine the receptiveness of the person who needs to hear it? So did she cut herself to get attention, because it was the mainstream "thing to do", or was it because she suffered so much from her own guilt and anxiety that she needed a physical pain to manifest so she didn't go insane trying to keep the rest in? The study of the human mind is really quite revealing, while it draws a curtain over the areas we most need to see.

Narcissists are a group of specialized demographics in psychology. There are levels of narcissism the same as they are versions of the autism spectrum. One is not "just" autistic, at least not nowadays, one is "on the spectrum". That simply means one could either be a raving, hair-pulling, self-mutilating, Tourette's-having nightmare to the entire community, or simply have issues making eye contact. There's a broad range of characteristics with autism. With narcissism, there is as broad a spectrum.

Some narcs like selfies, but that is the extent of their self-worship. They take dozens upon dozens of self-appreciating selfies with new apps and new filters, trying harder and harder to impress their own eyes with images of themselves that are conventionally conformist. However, they would never stoop to put their needs before those of someone they love. They are on the low end of the spectrum, and perhaps could even be labeled as a bit less than narcissistic, but just self-appreciating.

On the higher end, we have the true monsters of the world; those who see others as less than human, less than they are, and of lesser importance. Narcissistic mothers never see their children as being individuals with unique needs and wants; instead they see little branches of themselves who are constantly attached to the inconspicuous psychosocial umbilical, and must never stray from the desires or demands of the narc, less she lash out at them with venom and fury. Narcissists are all about control and it's not perceived, it's quite real. If her children step out of the boundaries she's set (which she may or may not have bothered to share with them), or if they finally speak out against her for being caught in one of her multitudes of fantastical lies, she will feign illness of some sort to gain their pity, or the pity of her peers. She will give them the "silent treatment" (which is the all time favorite weapon of a narcissist), and threaten to leave their lives for good if they persist in what she sees as abuse TO HER. Yet, she is supposed to be allowed to speak however she chooses to her children and they have to accept it because she's "their mother".

Individuals who are diagnosed as textbook narcissists as adults did not develop into this prognosis overnight, either. No, actually, chances are they were fairly self-absorbed as children and demanded by whatever means that they receive all the attention from their parents, or else. Chances are, they were coddled by perhaps less than scholarly parents, who did not see the dangers of giving in to their whims until they realized what kind of human being was now in their home. Yes, of course, it's common for childhood abuse to lead to an adulthood rife with mental health issues, but when one comes into the world with these issues, it becomes a lifetime of hell for all involved, including (at least on some level) the sufferer.

Have you ever noticed that narcissists tell a story without a grain of proof and 100% of the time in their story they are ALWAYS the victim of some vicious plot against them; something intended to steal away a prized possession (a person), or just to harass and insult them. Ever notice that with each detail the tale unravels leaving behind a pile of unsorted drama brought about by the narcissist's behavior? Then, when panic sets in, the narcissist withdraws into her cave to regroup, to emerge some time later with a new scheme and a new plan to recapture her "admirers" with apologies and assertions of "real" love - and sometimes she manages.

“Intelligence and narcissism are among the oldest constructs studied in contemporary psychology, each having more than a century of research tradition,” Zajenkowski and his team explained to Psychology Today. “The current research indicates that a belief in intellectual superiority is an important building block of self‐concept among individuals with high grandiose narcissism.” Both variants of narcissist personality disorder conflate the value of intelligence as it relates to character. The discrepancy comes down to articulation. Because the grandiose narcissist perceives intelligence as a significant predictor of a consequential individual, they are willing to convince themselves that they are in possession of it, even in the instances wherein they are not. Because the vulnerable narcissist surveys intelligence’s social application the very same, they succumb to panic when their possession of it encounters scrutiny.

I'll explain because I know that was boring (excerpt from The Ladders). When I have been presented with situations wherein I must discuss current social situations with a known narcissist who persists in telling people about her intellectual achievements, her frustration is evidenced by the mere fact that she cannot perceive what I am saying to her in the plainest of English. She accuses me of wordsmithing in order to make her feel inferior, when in fact, I'm using language and effort to speak with a high school graduate and nothing more. She admits I have a gift of words, and then throws it back at me as if I have vomited on her, because in her anger at her own ignorance she has no idea what I'm trying to confer, so it must be (in her warped mind) an insult I'm hurling. Therefore, for nearly 30 years, we have been it would seem little more than enemies.

She scours my social media in order to see photographs or find some evidence that I'm miserable or that my life is in turmoil. She remains uninterested when speaking with my colleagues about me, but then her searches on her phone/tablet/computer indicate otherwise. She is more than just a little interested in what I'm doing from day to day. She treats her own birth children with such horrid disdain that they have withdrawn from her, some to an extreme degree, but she feels she still "owns" their DNA, to an extent that she even attempts to contact one of them who has not seen her in over seven years.

I'm not in the business of calling people out on their bullshit every day, you know that, but I will call HER out at every possible turn because she has impacted MY life with her drama. She continues to impact MY life with her invasiveness, and proclivity toward the dumpster fire she calls love. I loathe a liar in the first place. You want to know about me and my life and my mistakes? Ask me. I won't lie. I have photos to prove who I am and have always been. You want to know about hers? Ask me. I won't lie. I have photos to prove who she IS and continues to be on the daily. It's as simple as that.

Insult my intelligence? Hahaha well you'd have to find that to insult it. I'm certainly not the brightest bulb in the lamp, I just happen to have a way with words and a love for writing them down. I've loved photography and art since I was 11 years old and began shooting with an old Kodak camera, drawing with crayons which I learned from my true artist cousin, and sketching with charcoal pencils, which I taught myself. I'm still not a master at any of those things. I received an education the hard way, and earned my doctorate the hard way, too, but I chose not to go into the profession because I'm not taking someone else's mental state into my care. I do not want that responsibility. I'm a low key counselor and will help people find their true potential, but I never sought a license, nor do I want one. I like what I do for a living.

Me? I'm very simple. It's 100% what you see with me. I do not think I'm anything more superior than just your average Joe Arkansan. I'm quite plain and drab, overweight and middle-aged, would not stand out in a crowd, and you may call me whatever ugly, dirty, nasty bad name you choose and I will not react. Keep your trap closed about my children, however, because that will definitely garner my wrath - and I do not slink back in a cave and hide when I feel slighted.

Okay I've spent enough time on this post today. I'm going to move on. I have lots of stuff to do that does NOT include drawing a line around someone else's character flaws who is hopefully now out of our lives for good.

Merry Christmas to everyone!