Redefining What "It" Means

When our 42nd President coined the term "depends on what the definition of the word 'it' is" in front of a room full of men and women who wanted to see him hanged, I never thought I'd need that phrase. I feel that redefining my terms could be at play currently.

Not so long ago (in dog years), this shit storm started, you see, and wheels began to turn that had been very still for a long time. These wheels led to a destination I couldn't have ever guessed.

Here I stand again at the precipice of choosing to help someone who didn't ask for my help, and who has sworn to hate me until she's dead. I'm not responsible for that. I'm responsible for how I deal with life and my choices are my own.

If you think I've EVER wanted to hurt you - but didn't, then you were wrong about me. If I want to hurt you, you'll be hurt and it won't be a slap on the wrist either. No, I wanted you healed so you could be a good father so I paid for you to get into rehab.

I wanted peace then too, but the terms were wrong. You do not ever use my children as leverage and our daughter is easy game when she's splitting.

I want peace. I want to be at peace with my past and to be able to leave it there and not dwell on what I can't recover or fix. This, today, I can fix this. Ok it may not be the way she wants but it's better than nothing. I want no more bitterness and enmity in this family. I want to see the future be a place where we all can trust each other because we have nothing to hide.

I'm tired of dwelling on it, to be honest, and I'm putting an end to the oldest rivalry I've ever known.

That's right.....Sherry. One way or another, we're going to end this. Duke it out in a Waffle House parking lot or get hammered on a couple of bottles of cheap wine in a hot tub while talking bad about men and singing karaoke to Paula Abdul; one way or another, I'll reach the goal where if nothing else she's just a friend of the family. If nothing else, we're civil and can be at the same place at the same time without the walls caving in.

This is MY choice. Peace at any cost. Jerry has my back. My kids don't know I've been dwelling on this so much. I just want everyone in my sphere to be okay and WHOLE and if it's in my power to create that, I'm going to do it. Y'all know I've never been all talk and no action. It's time we find out if my investment into a psychology degree really paid off.