The End is just the Beginning again

Just as we think we’re done with this messy year, all the trifling political posts and COVID exaggerations on the news, the year draws to a close with promises unkept, victories not won, and people unchanged.

In the midst of all this utter turmoil, with the world in a caustic sea of emotional overload or apathy, depending on who we’re talking about, we’ve been able to surf the dangerous tides into what I fearfully dub “the time of peace”. It seems that while some things inevitably change, other things invariably stay the same. While the moon is clear in the sky above us some nights, that doesn’t make it clear all the time and for everyone. It’s still there though.

Tragically, the “other shoe” is dangling like the sword of Damocles over our heads, ever threatening to dismember our well choreographed unit. As happy as we can be without that single entity bring “involved” it still manages to worm its way into conversation and unsettle our bones a bit.

Because no matter what, it still exists.

I can tell you all day long that I’ll never shop at Walmart again but the function of my best intentions is sometimes to set myself up for failure. Oh I’ll need something they don’t have at Kroger and I’ll bounce in for just that one thing and leave $200 poorer.

We can also say we’re “done” with members of our family, too. You know which ones I mean, the grasping harpies who live just to see other people suffer and writhe under their shit caked boot heel. Those are the ones we swear off. No ma’am, you’ll not be invited to any celebrations in our life because you will spare no expense to destroy what would otherwise be the “best” event ever. Yet, in the back of our minds, we know she could show up. It’d be out of character for her, but she could show up and then there we would be, looking down the barrel of a shotgun that’s cocked and loaded and ready to blast without regard for who the shrapnel strikes.

It’s hard to deal with people like that. They’re kin so they know ultimately we will open the door for them, begrudgingly albeit. They’re related, which should mean they’d never do us ill, but the opposite is the most true in each scenario. There’s one in every family, truth be told, several in mine. Why, is a good question. It’ll never be answered, but it’s a good question. Why would any woman want to see her children suffer from her own wretched shortcomings? Why would any grandmother, knowing what she’d done to her own kids, perpetrate the same to her grandchildren? Let’s love one but not the other. Let’s show interest in one but not the other. Let’s only love them when they can prove they love us back. What kind of trivial, pathetic logic is that? These are humans, not house cats. You don’t get to pick and choose which ones get your favor this week - but you do.

.....and once again you’ve made it into my blog.

I’m getting this off my head today so I can go do other things. I need to focus on how blessed we are to have been spared this plannedemic, and I need to focus on moving forward with what’s left of this month. I’m not buying presents this year as I’ve spent a ridiculous amount of money already this year on our kids, but I’m planning on having people over more. I’m planning on spending more time with the ones who give me joy and less time bothering over the ones who need deliverance.

Happy December y’all and may the force be with yule.

love and light, shannon